This may not be the last ever;

This may not be the last ever;


Where my heartbeat sings in the harmony of your name

Each day is full of vibrance when I have the thought of you, 

Your name has always been in the lyrics of the songs I listen to

How my pencil draws the details of your eyes,

of your smiles, and your laughter

everytime I fall in serenity…

The splattered paints are hues of your soul on my canvas that I left on the easel for years–stranded like a small boat by the docks forbidden to embark

The sunrise and the calm clouds above on a pleasant day and the flowers in the garden remind me of how beautiful you are,

You’ve always been the picture of my world,

You’ve always been the kind of air that I breathe

in silence 

and in music,

You’re still the letters that I read…


Who would have thought about this day,

I haven’t mentioned your name for a while–I feel like I’ve become awry

You still have the smile on your face–

it’s still as blinding as ever


You’ve always been the precious jewel,

not on a golden ring–not with the bevels,

You’re meant to be in place where you could still grow where you shine the brightest

and perhaps with the people who will guide you through for always

It’s not that I bid farewell,

It’s not something gone forever but the next page awaits for me and for you as well–your next adventure is across the horizon where the last words will ever be heard

between you and I,

You will always be the one who once made me feel like nothing’s ever missing inside of  me—I love you and I always will

We may have parted ways with the uncertain future but the chapter has to end and I’ll utter about you no more




Knackered of order

It’s two in the morning, almost three in a few minutes.. I feel thirsty, hungry, and still tired after spending most of my night reading emails and checking social media websites ( I always regret doing so every morning I had difficulty getting up). In two hours I’ll be needing to unwrap my comfortable blanket from my body and get off my bed, once more, for another day of work. Oh boy…How long do I have to be this way? For how long do I have to do these “routine”, which is detrimental to a dynamic soul thirsty of exploration of oneself and of the world. 
This is society isn’t it? This is life as how they, the cruel world of orders, describe everyone should be living. This is the “system” we all should go through to get by everyday: to feed ourselves, to clothe ourselves, and provide us a home. 
A poignant image isn’t it? Why should we be living the way a society tells us to? Why should we obey these supposed rules of living? Why should we pay for the things that only fuels the harmful desires of man? Why do we need “leaders”, the overrated ones? When most if not all of them crave for power, are greedy of anything they have in possession, and are manipulated by the underground, incognito leaders that are more powerful than our current leaders we look up to? Yet we don’t have proof of their existence or perhaps we do but we don’t touch it for fearing for our own lives. 
Issues here and there, the media, the money that never sleeps, the busy crowd in the city, the hustling men on suit and oxford shoes, the women working hard alongside, the motorways that were never empty even on holidays, the skies above us with jet trails, and the crowded docks build up the noise in our heads. Where have we gone now? Aren’t we tired yet? Aren’t we supposed to be somewhere else? Aren’t we supposed to be out there rather than in here?


Too many questions, so little time to figure them out. The ambiguity is real and keeps on getting worse as each day passes by leaving us with more unanswered questions and further our doubts. Knackered of all these, aren’t you?… 
Well I absolutely am but I still am hopeful that one day, perhaps, everything will reveal its meaning; a purpose in every little thing we encounter everyday will open our eyes to more possibilities or maybe not at all. It’s crazy isn’t it?  To live and not live at our best at the same time. 




A summary of life,



I was born in this world not knowing a thing

I grew up to be crawling, learnt how to run, how to cry, how to sing

how to feel my own emotions and identify my own desires

I made friends with people, I began to embrace life

I started to want things and aspire to be somebody in the future

slowly, I began to feel the magnitude of how this world can make you think


I fell in love, I broke my heart

I fell apart broken into pieces on the ground

I swam in the sea of people trying to save my own soul

wanting to find a place to mend those wounds and reach the closest shore

believing there is Arcadia somewhere in between the horizon

I kept my hopes high and held onto my own vision


Now I try to seek beyond mediocrity I know I deserve better

I may have built walls around me and fortified my heart

sworn to the moon and back that’ll I’ll never break apart

however life plays the game in a continuous cycle

we tumble, we crash hard, and we lost track of our path

yet there is beauty in destruction

we find random pieces on our way while looking for a place to stay

Soon enough the empty spaces within us fades away

the pieces we picked up, the little things, those are all that matter

the things we neglect, the people we hurt and taken for granted, 

all those are the things we should’ve considered back in the day.


Today is the most important moment of our lives

to witness, to hear, and to feel what life has to offer.



Right person at the wrong time


We fall in love with the wrong person but that doesn’t mean we will never have the chance to find the love from “the one” or a different kind of love we never thought we needed. 


You can fall in love deeply, madly, and just immensely indescribable that you completely believed in a whole new world because of them and that it felt like you’ve been given a new purpose to fulfill. 

We experience all these because of one person who came in our lives, sometimes suddenly or perhaps they unexpectedly emerged, the love we have for them and from them to us, through the years after knowing them for some time. Sometimes out of the blue, no matter what we’re going through at the moment, no matter how broken we are, how hopeless we have become, and how bad we want to end it all, there comes a moment of change; a moment that will change your game entirely. A moment that will spark new hope and lead to a new beginning.

All these happen to us and we don’t see it coming most of the time. More than often we fall in love with the wrong person, yet we believe it may not be the right time. We still believe that there could be a chance that everything else will go according to how it should be– as how we wanted it to be.


Beyond the horizon I had a thought that maybe there isn’t such thing as the right person at the wrong time.


They are just not meant for us no matter how many times we start over again with the same person. That no matter how much we love them, they still fade away from us despite the efforts and everything that we have sacrificed in the name of love to keep them close– to keep the relationship going.  No matter how bad we wanted them in our lives for good, they just can’t seem to bring any more meaning to keep us motivated in every single day of our lives.

The inspiration is just futile; it offers nothing more but heartaches and struggles. A tiring one which leads us to nowhere but devastation. Maybe we will find someone new or we will meet a different version of ourselves and start from the love we haven’t worked on with for the longest time. 


Perhaps all we need is to believe in ourselves, begin where we are, and use whatever we have at this moment. Only then we can set our tired souls free from all the entangles and unnecessary attachments. It won’t be easy, it never was and never will be, but it can be done. We can still change the game until we see the sun shining differently.

It will take some time but we have to trust the journey. 


Sooner than later, after everything we’ve been through, though it doesn’t end there, things will start to bloom once again like a flower under the first sunshine past a lonely winter. The once pale backdrop across the plains, the roofs and the motorways goes back in full color; a scene of warmth– a sign of hope.





devoted love undone, not

devoted love undone, not

“A love that is true can stand the test of time”..


Our souls acquire the specific taste over the years we’ve been walking on earth, hearing stories, and feeling emotions. The certain blend and aroma we have grown accustomed to; a personal preference we keep with pride. A taste that satisfies our inner flames to keep them alive and burning; the fuel for our raging passion. The kind of water that can quench our immense thirst deep within our system yet is beyond what our flesh can come in contact with.

We develop the standards we apply in our daily lives through the experiences we face every day. Every chapter has its significance which when added-up all together make up for the bigger picture we might yet to be seeing in the near future.

A person -a soul, had made me feel this way and I’m fighting my way through this hoping that soon all these doubts swelling over my thoughts can finally vanish in the thin air for good.


Beyond the sleepless nights, inconsistent mood, heartaches, late night contemplation and trips to the sea just to shout out your name and the feelings I have for you                                               

 –the love I have devoted to you can never be undone.


I do believe that first love certainly does not fade away but grows with time if it was real at all. It becomes a part of our mind, our emotions, and of who we are today. We try to forget, to forgive, and adapt to the ever-changing circumstances we encounter within our lifetime. The love we get one way or another could multiply or stagnate depending on how we go on with it.




-I was thinking of a different topic related to this but if I won’t write these from my thoughts at the moment, they might be gone for good or perhaps I could still recall it but only the fragments of its entire content. What I have in mind as of time of writing is about the love that will always stay. Hopefully I can write a better content while keeping a strong thought all throughout. Thank you for your time. 

Get yourself a house and a dog


Daily routine is tiresome and it’s killing our sense of adventure and suppresses excitement in our daily lives. Imagine yourself waking up each day to take a shower, brush your teeth, eat your breakfast, and do this morning ritual for more than half of your entire lifetime. 

We don’t realise it or we’ve been trying to accept this way of living as the “normal” way of life. For most people, it’s manageable to get through daily routines but some of us are not having it.. just no more- but we’re not doing much about it unfortunately.


Living in a society in this world tells us to begin by educating ourselves by attending schools with then again a routinised education system, or have yourself a special schooling program if you have the liberty to. I’m not against the education system currently imposed all throughout the countries since there are different types of teaching methods and learning stages from one institution to another.  Moreover, one type of teaching approach is not applicable to everyone.

It may be a struggle to make your way through this stage in life, allegedly, to conform to standards and become an official civilized citizen of a nation, but college is the next big thing in picture. You get to meet new people, do things for the first time, though not really the case in today’s generation, and eventually be welcomed in a partially matured environment. Pun intended.



“It may sound easy on paper but it’s never any less than being really difficult.”

Continue reading “Get yourself a house and a dog”

To be spontaneous is to live more

To be spontaneous is to live more


“Spontaneity is a natural instinct, it’s like letting the water from the mountains fall down on the riverbanks below to let life flourish.”


First of all, after some time that has passed, I realized that writing is not really my forte, though I believe I’m expressive enough in many ways, writing somehow is something I need to work on.. big time. I know there could be that “potential”, at least somehow. Though not for popularity, or to gain huge audience across the internet, I believe I can gain something from writing. I could express myself much more clearly or be able to release what’s been prohibiting my freedom to be more of myself and eventually become harmonious with the world.

Most people say that I am a deep person. Well, yes, to be honest.. I am deep. I just can’t see the world any less than how much substance I see in it. I just couldn’t think any less than how I do now, though I’ve been trying to ease it a bit. I believe it’s not just me who sees the world the same way: the people, the places, events, and meaning of life. There are just so much more that I want to see and experience but this body, this soul, this mind couldn’t seem to bare it all…

There’s always something at the end that wants me to push even farther than I could. 


At this moment of writing, I’m playing my favorite song on loop, by Ed Sheeran, –perfect. It’s one of the songs that inspire me to think a little more positive along with the other motivational songs, though they are mainstream music which eventually might lose some if not most of its glory as it was released in public. Just like now, I’m still in the momentum of spontaneity. I just keep on writing until I compose something worth reading back in the future. I do write for that purpose as well, to read something in the past and reminisce how have I been before and how I managed to get through it all.

To be spontaneous is to embrace the challenges of life and welcome new things open-heartedly. To be in this state of mind is freedom; to let things unfold to us and grab whatever is served, though it has high risks, is to live a better life though it’s not practically applicable to everyone.


— I hope I get to write something much better content that has the capacity to move people and make them believe in themselves and try things they have not yet tried and to look better on the horizon of understanding and develop the kind of curiosity and will to learn more and inspire other individuals to learn to speak their minds and express their souls. 

I’m not stopping here, I’m actually just beginning to relish what my mind can wonder upon.